


So Pretty It's Not Funny

by TheAnderfelsOne



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Pre-Relationship, damn what perfect tag!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9504578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAnderfelsOne/pseuds/TheAnderfelsOne
Summary: When the Generation of Miracles discuss one of Kise's magazine photos...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this pic](http://annissarh.tumblr.com/post/155733844781/freestylebiting-%E9%BB%92%E3%83%90%E3%82%B9log-by-zoo-sometimes)

Sometimes, Kise is the first to arrive at the gathering site and sometimes he’s the last. That’s how unpredictable a merely high schooler can be when working part-time as a model. 

Even more so, when said model is ascending pretty fast the celebrity ladder. 

This time is one of these then, as Kise arrives huffing and gasping, holding his bag with one hand and his heart with another. 

“Sorry, guys, I’m late,” he wheezes, standing in front of one of Magi Burger’s booth. “I got caught up by the representative of some deodorant spray who wanted to discuss the possibility of filming the commercial on some tropical island,” Kise chuckles.  

Everyone pauses to stare at him until Akashi breaks the silence, “It’s all right, Ryōta, we understand the incommodities of your part-time job.”

Kise beams, “Heeh, thanks Akashicchi!”

The facing benches of the booth were already crammed with three persons on each side, so Kise picks up a chair nearby and seats himself at the head of the table. He’s about to greet everyone properly when his mouth still hanged open halts at the sight of the magazine sprawled on the table.

“Wha—what’s this?”

“Ah, Kise kun, Midorima kun bought it,” Kuroko supplies.

Midorima from the other side sputters quickly, “Oha Asa predicts a fashion magazine for tomorrow’s lucky item, so I decided to buy one in advance.” And he regains composure by straightening his glasses on his nose with two fingers.

Kise, with still rounded ambers says “Oh, I see. So you didn’t see I was featured in it too?” Kise drawls with a teasing smile.  

“I didn’t. It was until Aomine flipped it open that we noticed your shamelessly exposed figure inside of it.”

“Eeh? Shamele—”

“Yeah Kise,” Aomine cuts in as he snatches the magazine to bring it between him and the blond. He points at where it was already open on a glossy page with a spruced up, winking Kise, doing a ridiculous fashion pose. “What the fuck’s up with this?”

Aomine sounds pissed. Kise tries to find clues somewhere in his navy eyes or in his printed face but can’t find any.

“Huh?”

“What Aomine kun is trying and failing to communicate is that Kise kun might look a little too…” Kuroko twists his mouth.

“Lewd?” Murasakibara butts in nonchalantly.

“I was going to say erotic.” Kuroko says with a slurp of his shake.

“But we also said lewd, ne?”

On his right side, Kise sees Kagami stuffing his mouth while awkwardly fixing the napkin holder.

“Whaat?” he snatches the magazine from Aomine’s grasp and point at his glossy self, “What’s wrong with this photo?! I look perfectly fine! Everyone complimented me, and—and the photographer was thrilled to work with me again!”

“Maybe it’s the glasses…” Kuroko muses.

“The glasses aren’t _fully_ at fault,” Midorima snorts, offended. “It’s the whole… hedonistic pose.”

“Hedo-what? You’re so mean! I look very nice!” Kise says with a whine, fists curling together on top of the table rebelliously. His mouth begins to form its far famed pout.  

“Kise—” Kagami starts.

“You look like an AV actress.” Aomine deadpans.

Kagami’s chokes and bows his head for a moment to deal with his suddenly burning cheeks.

“ _Whaaat?!_ ” The indignant cry is worthy of turning many heads in their direction now but is nothing the group of boys hasn’t ever heard, judging from the way Akashi takes a sip from his coffee through it.  

Now Kise looks half-way miffed and directs his glare towards the rude ganguro kurosuke to his left. “ _What do you mean AV! And why the female designation?!”_

The tanned boy huffs and wrenches his gaze away from the Kise's, grumbling something under his breath.

“These times are dangerous, Ryōta, full of degenerates. You should watch out,” Akashi supplies calmly from his side of the table.

“I think Aka-chin means rapists,” Murasakibara conveys with less tact and more cream on the corner of his mouth.

Kise is officially dumbstruck and his face slowly melts into confusion as he softy says with dropping, blond eyebrows, “Ra…pists…? But… _it’s only a photo…!”_ He look around, scans the expressions of his friends. Or some of his friends, as Kuroko’s face seems to be blankly normal and Kagami is still literally suspended in a bowing posture. “I’m not even half-naked,” he mumbles.

“In this one,” Aomine mutters.

“It’s very suggestive,” Midorima says, touching his glasses, “Your fans are already hard to contain and bordering on fanatical, and some of them know where you live. If you want I can offer you Oha Asa’s predictions for Gemini daily but that’s all I can possibly do.”

Kise gapes at the bespectacled boy as if he’s been growing a second head all the time he’s been talking. He then lowers his gaze to where the magazine is laying between him and Aomine and scrutinizes his own face.

His brow scrunches. He really looks nice in this photo. His hair was expertly combed, they decided to go with a natural look and kept it flat with a bit of shine spray to give it a naturally beautiful and still eye-catching texture. Aside from that, Kise couldn’t see any dysfunctions in the picture! He was wearing the glasses he had to advertise; they gave him a turquoise pair because they said turquoise will match the golden hues of his eyes perfectly, and he followed the photographer’s instructions for poses!

Those pictures were very appreciated by the brand that put huge posters of him in their stores and Kise even got to keep the turquoise pair.

His pout reappears silently when he hears a voice from his right side says his name.

“Kise,” Kagami starts for the second time since Kise arrived. The model pulls his gaze to the redhead a bit dejectedly. “I think it’s not your fault. I mean, I guess it’s the way you look. You’re naturally good-looking…”

Honey orbs brightens slowly like dissipating clouds and he turns to Kagami fully, missing Aomine’s sudden glower.

“I—I mean, I guess that's why, when you do something… like strike a cute pose or… wear something that makes you look even more… seductive, you—you, you just, it’s like too much and—would you stop looking at me like that!” Kagami stammers loudly when Kise’s piercing, golden stare starts to be too much on its own.  

Kise’s mouth draws one of his most sunny smile – the kind that makes his eyes crinkles at the ends and push his dimples high on display – and says “Kagamicchi is so nice~ You’re my favorite person today~”

“H—huh?” Kagami stutters with a start and a raising blush. “I—” He looks around to where Midorima is giving him a discarded glance and Kuroko a weird, blank look. Akashi and Murasakibara look nonplussed as ever and Aomine – Kagami furrows his split eyebrows – Aomine is looking at him like pondering if Akashi is able to find him a good alibi once he’s done with him.

“I’m just saying it’s your job to look like this so… yeah, uh. You’re good.” The red-head finally wilts and power through a new cheeseburger.

Partly to stuff his mouth shut at once because did he fucking stutter in front of Kuroko’s weirdo pack he calls friends?

There is an awkward silence that settles for a minute or two before Akashi’s voice lifts up to say “Are you going to order something, Ryōta?”

“Huh? Oh, right. I’ll go see.”

As soon as Kise is away enough, Aomine peeves, throwing a chunk of lettuce at Kagami. “What’s with the touchy-feely speech, bastard?”

“Hah?! What’s up with that?! You find it weird when people are being nice to someone, asshole?” Kagami snarls, “Someone should volunteer trying that with you for a change! Plus, I don’t see why you don’t cut the guy some slack! He’s a fucking model! Of course he’ll be turning on his sex appeal in front of the cameras!”

Kuroko’s eyes snaps to his teammate. “Oh. No one used _that_ word…” he mumbles with a ghostly, downcast tone.

Aomine sputters wordlessly for a second. “Yeah, well when he gets swallowed up by fans gone bonkers, just blame it on his _sex appeal_ on his funerals!”

“The fuck?! Who said anything about funerals! We were just talking about how—how…”

“Licentious?” Midorima says.

“ _Good_ he was at his job!” Kagami hisses, then turns to point a finger at Aomine, “You’re the one comparing him to a porn actor—”

“Actress,” Kuroko says.

“If there’re bonkers here it should be _you! Aho_ mine!”

“Whatever the reasons, if Ryōta dies, I’ll make sure the culprits don’t get away it.” Akashi nods to himself with a dangerous glint in his eye.

“Yeah, well you didn’t seem all too disagreeing with the idea, Bakagami,” Aomine retaliates with a snark. “Weren’t you the one who said he looked erotic first? Maybe Akashi should give _stabbing_ you another try ‘cause if Kise get swallowed up, you’d be the culprit!”

Kagami growls upon recalling the famous, spooky scissors episode. “Excuse you! You said he made you think of a porn magazine you just read with his _porny_ glasses! Who’s the sexual predator here! If Kise dies, you’ll be on top of the suspect list, believe me!”

“How long was I gone…?” Kise asks suddenly as he fails to catch sense of the roaring wrangle. He sits down with his tray holding a hot-dog and a cup of soda.

“Rest in peace, Kise-chin,” Murasakibara responds genuinely before biting on two other French fries.


End file.
